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Quotes by Dumb


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"The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car---I forget what ki
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By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"If you're traveling in a time machine, and you're eating corn on the cob, I don't think it's going to affect things one way or t
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By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"Happiness is not a circus clown rolling around in a big tractor tire so that his arms and legs form 'spokes.' Happiness is when
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By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring
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By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You
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By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"Worship the potato The idea seemed silly to me. But then I thought, what else is more deserving of worship It's simple, it comes
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By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"I don't think I'm ever more 'aware' than I am right after I hit my thumb with a hammer.
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By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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