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Quotes by Fred Allen

"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."
By Fred Allen
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"A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done."
By Fred Allen
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"[Television is] the triumph of machine over people."
By Fred Allen
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"Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars."
By Fred Allen
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"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."
By Fred Allen
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"Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making."
By Fred Allen
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"Television is a medium because anything well done is rare."
By Fred Allen
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"Do we really deserve top billing?"
By Fred Allen
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"An income tax form is like a laundry list -- either way you lose your shirt."
By Fred Allen
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"Imitation is the sincerest form of television."
By Fred Allen
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"The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference."
By Fred Allen
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"I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there."
By Fred Allen
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"Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission."
By Fred Allen
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"My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense."
By Fred Allen
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"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."
By Fred Allen
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"During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk."
By Fred Allen
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"Imitation is the sincerest form of television."
By Fred Allen
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"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."
By Fred Allen
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"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."
By Fred Allen
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"My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back."
By Fred Allen
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"California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange."
By Fred Allen
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"Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars."
By Fred Allen
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"Committee--a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done."
By Fred Allen
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"California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange."
By Fred Allen
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"The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand."
By Fred Allen
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