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Quotes by Groucho Marx

"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
By Groucho Marx
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"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."
By Groucho Marx
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"My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one."
By Groucho Marx
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"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."
By Groucho Marx
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"I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book."
By Groucho Marx
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"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open."
By Groucho Marx
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"I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."
By Groucho Marx
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"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."
By Groucho Marx
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"Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse."
By Groucho Marx
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"No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend."
By Groucho Marx
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"My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one."
By Groucho Marx
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"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
By Groucho Marx
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"In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people."
By Groucho Marx
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"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy."
By Groucho Marx
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"Women should be obscene and not heard."
By Groucho Marx
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"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
By Groucho Marx
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"Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped."
By Groucho Marx
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"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough."
By Groucho Marx
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"I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."
By Groucho Marx
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"I have nothing but confidence in you. And very little of that."
By Groucho Marx
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"You are only as old as the woman you feel."
By Groucho Marx
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"Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?"
By Groucho Marx
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"Politics doesn?t make strange bedfellows--marriage does."
By Groucho Marx
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"I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while."
By Groucho Marx
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"I aughta join a club and beat you over the head with it."
By Groucho Marx
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